Sold out...

I have never been bothered by age; just a number, you are as old as you feel, you are as old as the woman you feel, apparently (which right now makes me the same age, as I am single!)

But for some reason, I woke up today and realised that I was in fact a 'thirtysomething'. I remember watching the American show 'thirtysomething' when I was little thinking, damn those people are old! They had relationship issues, discussed children, growing up, responsibilities...all sorts of stuff that I am now supposed to be doing. I have the house sorted and the career is well on its way, but the relationship and children bit is by no means taken care of?!?!

The most frustrating thing is knowing what you want and not being able to have it. It was hard enough acknowledging that it is fine to finally commit to something; one person, a home, a double garage, a family, cars with private plates, school runs, dinner parties, after school activities, school fees, Mark Warner holidays and all the other stuff you associate with being a fully fledged adult...given I had spent an eternity being anti-commitment, but then for it to be wasted, well that is a bitter pill to swallow.

I can only compare it to finally deciding on what you would like to order from the menu only to discover that they have sold out - a poor comparison I know, but it relates more to the what next?

Do you decide to eat something else knowing the whole time you will be fantasising over what could have been sat on your plate, comparing the two, being disappointed by the lack of flavour? Or is it simply a case of going hungry and living with the knowledge that you have remained true to yourself? This is the junction I have reached and the question is, how do you deal with this menu selection; eat and be disappointed, starve or dine elsewhere from an entirely different menu?

'Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love' - Charlie Brown