...anybody present?

I always love sitting in coffee shops, hearing the buzz of conversation; a complete cross-section of peoples' lives served up on a plate next to your flat white. As I sipped mine and gazed out into the dreary day, I listened to the humming of daily gossip, couples droning on (the women that is - the men were looking out of the window like me) and the background noises from the coffee machine that sounds like a steam engine has just pulled in every time the milk gets frothed.

A middle aged couple were debating what to do with a senile mother-in-law, as she had a bottle of squash in her cupboard that had 'clearly not been shaken up since she brought it'. The husband sat there looking vacant and probably wondering, like me, if he had ever shaken a bottle of squash at regular intervals to avoid stagnation?!?! Moments later, he started nodding along with the wife; easier than debating the issue, which no doubt the woman would decide on anyhow. Sad really, as that women who seemed so eager to get the mother-in-law off her hands, would no doubt become that person in a few years!

The bottle blondes next to me were talking and hearing but neither were listening. You could tell that they were good friends and this was their small opportunity to vent and vent they did; a vast quantity of words were coming out, which made eaves dropping almost impossible! One bleated on about how wonderful her husband was (past tense), as he laid the table on Christmas Day without prompting, the other was banging on about how her husband was (past tense) on best behaviour over Christmas because his mother was round and why did that have to change when she left?!?

What both conversations made me realise, is that people tend to live in the past or the future but rarely ever the present. The wife was forcing the husband to make a decision and speed up the nursing home booking - based on a stagnant bottle of squash! The blondes, hanging on moments from the past, used to convince themselves that a little good behaviour and table making on Christmas Day makes up for the daily grind no doubt! It is like we spend all of our time considering and deciding what we believe we have or where we believe we should be, but not actually living and feeling in the here and now.

This is a tricky business, as I am currently trying to do it; engaging fully with the feelings and emotions of each day, as and when it arrives, not looking forwards and not looking back. It's like learning a new skill and you constantly have to remind yourself to stop reminiscing and dwelling as well as wishing your life away with planning.

Is this really how life should be? A constant state of flux, just being open to the full experience of what is in front of you at that very moment? I am not sure, but there is something very refreshing about that attitude or state when you manage to get in it; you can speak honestly without previous experiences clouding your judgement and act on instinct rather than how you feel is appropriate based on the before and after. This is a complete shift from the norm for me, but one I propose to keep working on as so far, every time I have managed it, I remember a lot more about that day and feel like I was the person living it!

'If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing all over the present.'- Dr. Frederick (Fritz) S. Perls