Dodgy birds...

I have recently started engaging in a fourm called Afterellen. It is interesting and full of alternative charachters all with a view to share. Today, one girl asked the questions, 'Why to women who like women (sorry hate the L word) not bother to take care of themselves?'

I found this an interesting question, which opened up a whole barrage of activity. There were some that were angry and quick to say she was wrong, as they all shower and wash their hair regularly! Others mentioned that a bit of lipstick never hurt anyone...the comments went on.

The girl who posted the initial comment then apologised for saying it! What is that all about? All she did is make a valid point I say...we are hardly falling over ourselves for attractive gay women in the street are we???!!! I replied - see below...which caused a bit more upset, god why are some women so precious about their opinion - everyone has one afterall!

'Why are you apologizing? All you did is raise a valid point I would say...those who replied defensively need to chill out. I am not suggesting that your point is wholly true, but for those who do not hang out on the 'scene', the images of gay women in the public eye are usually of overweight, unkempt skin heads. My first experience of a gay club was full of butch, overweight women with little hair - this really put me off as I thought I had to look like that or go out with someone who looked like that!

Being different from the 'majority' is in many cases harder than going with the flow. At first it is fun, this secret group, code, scene, but after a while it becomes draining and limited. I sometimes feel it is harder to be in the 'minority' but look like the 'majority', yet looking like the majority is simply who I am and how I choose to dress. Sometimes I choose to wear a cap, other days I wear more feminine clothes...I don't want to have to stick to a dress code each day to fit in or be recognized by my 'group' - which I believe a lot of gay women do.

When I go out to gay venues or events, I see such effort made to look like the 'minority'. Perhaps I only notice lesbians who want to look masculine, off the wall (for want of a better phrase) and alternative as I sometimes frequent the scene...but I do not recall seeing too many examples of the 'majority' going out of their way to look super straight. What is extreme straightness look like anyway?

Which leads me to my point...by being extreme with our image in order to fit in as part of the 'minority', does that not further isolate us from the 'majority'? Can we not just be who we want to be...and when I say that, not what others in our group expect us to be, but purely ourselves? One day, I would love to just go out to bars, clubs, restaurants that are not branded as straight or gay venues, but simply places to BE!

We spend all our time moaning that we do not want to be branded or put in a box, yet all we seem to do is create images, bars, websites etc just for 'us'! '

I am going back for more now the debate has opened up...will report back in due course...love a good debate! :>)