When everything seems in order it just doesn't seem right? I mean, up to date on work, washing, bills, emails etc...but, when you get there it is an anti-climax. Odd really, you strive for finishing, emptying the inbox, responding to texts, making arrangements, answerphone messages, lists...and when you complete them it feels odd!
I now feel a little on edge, almost expecting to have missed something, but I haven't, so I can relax, kick back enjoy a beer, have a chilled evening...but I don't feel like doing that at all! I feel like I need to make a list, prepare (for what I do not know!) Can you reach a state when you are always preparing for the future and never relaxed enough to enjoy the moment?
Boring blog today, but feeling flat, hence the title...think I need to get out more!
Thursday 30 April 2009
Wednesday 29 April 2009
On it...
Another day passes and with much positive feedback from various friends, I feel a whole lot better about the marathon. I have to include some of the kind words I have received from my marathon 'coach' and inspiration, as they are just quality...
'You did really well & think you need reminding of reasons to be cheerful:
You finished 5,124 out of 10,875 women – top 47% (& with a knackered knee)!
You persevered through the training when you knew you had a dodgy knee & a navigator that frankly couldn’t navigate a piss head to a pub!
You finished long runs when your dodgy knee was giving you severe grief & your navigator was either making you run through bumpy fields or along dual carriage ways!
You persevered & took on the immense challenge of running 26.2 miles when you knew your dodgy knee would give you massive pain!
You beat Jordan by approximately 3 hours 28 mins…….she trained hard & let’s face it had access to a much more sophisticated support team than you!
Finally…… the best reason you should have the biggest smile on your face…… Normal life can resume & you can tuck into the odd drink or five without worrying what impact it might have on your athletic performance!'
This email made my day, along with looking back at my justgiving page to see the kind words and of course donations that I have clocked up over the last three and a half months.
An eventful last few days...my career is making good progress, my confidence is at new heights (which really is a personal milestone) and the world is pretty damn fine right now! :>)
Monday 27 April 2009
It's over...
It is finally over and I feel flat, a little dissapointed in fact. I am not sure why, as I have done it, achieved my goal, finished the marathon...I guess my focus has now gone and there is an anti-climax.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done physically. I am not sure about the emotional side of things as my knees gave way after 18 miles so I was dealing with pain, but only physical pain, not emotional pain - that probably doesn't make sense but it does to me! My body didn't conk out due to lack of energy as my breathing was fine, felt great in fact, but my right knee just failed me. I knew it would be tough as my long training runs, 18 miles and 20 miles it was the same. The annoying thing is, it feels like it was going to give way...so you think walk then run when it eases off, problem is with this is that you sieze up the moment you stop.
Anyway, I checked out my speed throughout the race on the website - I was so consistant, which I am really pleased about, every 5k was bang on 30 minutes, so I was totally on track for a sub 4h30 finish. That was until I hit the 30k mark, 18 miles was my wall for sure. From there it was a walk, run effort with ipod full blast and constant Lucozade! I walked most of mile 25, but made sure I ran all of the last 1.2 miles.
It was emotional, a challenge, agony and almost cried on crossing the line - not sure why, but think the main reason was realising that I was now allowed to stop running!!! The best thing was that I had Proud - Heather Small playing when I headed up the Mall to the finishing line, which was an awesome moment.
The upsides - achievement, focus, medal, t-shirt (although miles too big!), respect, sponsorship for charity, slight face tan as it was a hot day and finisher picture :>)
The downsides - people do not smell nice during exercise, so surrounded by body and butt odour for nearly 5 hours, blisters on blisters on blisters, bruised knees, bra scars and anti-climax :>(
Overall, I would recommend it - but not sure about doing it again! I think I will focus on getting my 10k time down - a respectable distance that is not going to cripple me.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done physically. I am not sure about the emotional side of things as my knees gave way after 18 miles so I was dealing with pain, but only physical pain, not emotional pain - that probably doesn't make sense but it does to me! My body didn't conk out due to lack of energy as my breathing was fine, felt great in fact, but my right knee just failed me. I knew it would be tough as my long training runs, 18 miles and 20 miles it was the same. The annoying thing is, it feels like it was going to give way...so you think walk then run when it eases off, problem is with this is that you sieze up the moment you stop.
Anyway, I checked out my speed throughout the race on the website - I was so consistant, which I am really pleased about, every 5k was bang on 30 minutes, so I was totally on track for a sub 4h30 finish. That was until I hit the 30k mark, 18 miles was my wall for sure. From there it was a walk, run effort with ipod full blast and constant Lucozade! I walked most of mile 25, but made sure I ran all of the last 1.2 miles.
It was emotional, a challenge, agony and almost cried on crossing the line - not sure why, but think the main reason was realising that I was now allowed to stop running!!! The best thing was that I had Proud - Heather Small playing when I headed up the Mall to the finishing line, which was an awesome moment.
The upsides - achievement, focus, medal, t-shirt (although miles too big!), respect, sponsorship for charity, slight face tan as it was a hot day and finisher picture :>)
The downsides - people do not smell nice during exercise, so surrounded by body and butt odour for nearly 5 hours, blisters on blisters on blisters, bruised knees, bra scars and anti-climax :>(
Overall, I would recommend it - but not sure about doing it again! I think I will focus on getting my 10k time down - a respectable distance that is not going to cripple me.
Saturday 25 April 2009
Last minute nerves...
Mum is worried that I can't finish, my dad is not saying much (his way of being worried) but apart from that I am feeling positive!!! I have my shuffle loaded with inspirational tunes, including trance, classics and Proud - Heather Small...what a song love it!
I have just attached the tag to my shoe and about to safety pin the number on my running shirt - it is all sinking in now...only a few hours before I start the marathon mission. I have written my medical details on the back of my race number - 39179 - feels like my bootcamp tag and checked that my race socks are clean - decided on the Nike air flow ones in the end.
Getting lots of good luck texts and last minute sponsorship - now realising how much support I have had and how many people know that I am running tomorrow - scary stuff!
Anyway, this may be all from me until tomorrow evening, post marathon post, so ttfn!
I have just attached the tag to my shoe and about to safety pin the number on my running shirt - it is all sinking in now...only a few hours before I start the marathon mission. I have written my medical details on the back of my race number - 39179 - feels like my bootcamp tag and checked that my race socks are clean - decided on the Nike air flow ones in the end.
Getting lots of good luck texts and last minute sponsorship - now realising how much support I have had and how many people know that I am running tomorrow - scary stuff!
Anyway, this may be all from me until tomorrow evening, post marathon post, so ttfn!
Friday 24 April 2009
What a week...
It has been some week...I spent the whole day with my manager's manager on Tuesday, getting home at gone eleven after a very eventful day - I am a 'Star in the Field', check me out! ;>) Wednesday I needed to get up early after a late night to attend more meetings, Thursday all day in London to collect my official marathon race number and today another early start, late finish at work!!
So much for having an easy week prior to the big day - it has been one thing after another. I have officially started to get nervous and worried about a). finishing and b).finishing in a decent time! Do I take gels or not? Do I take tunes or not? Do I wear my Nike air flow socks or my Nike dri fit socks? Water or lucozade or both?
I am scared, proper scared...but also excited about the mission, it will be a journey of the unknown, excitement, ups and downs, pain, aches and ultimately euphoria - or so everyone tells me! I am now laying in bed, trying to get an early night, apparently this night is better to get sleep than the night before...so we will soon find out - trouble sleeping though as quite nervous!
Final preparations tomorrow include eating my body weight in pasta and watching 'run fat boy, run' so here goes...
So much for having an easy week prior to the big day - it has been one thing after another. I have officially started to get nervous and worried about a). finishing and b).finishing in a decent time! Do I take gels or not? Do I take tunes or not? Do I wear my Nike air flow socks or my Nike dri fit socks? Water or lucozade or both?
I am scared, proper scared...but also excited about the mission, it will be a journey of the unknown, excitement, ups and downs, pain, aches and ultimately euphoria - or so everyone tells me! I am now laying in bed, trying to get an early night, apparently this night is better to get sleep than the night before...so we will soon find out - trouble sleeping though as quite nervous!
Final preparations tomorrow include eating my body weight in pasta and watching 'run fat boy, run' so here goes...
Wednesday 22 April 2009
Countdown...
Tired, tired, tired....and only four days remain until the marathon mission!
Everything happens at once, doesn't make any difference whether it's work, social life or relationships - one minute no work, then more work than you could possibly imagine, no parties and then ten invites for the same day, as and for relationships...
The last three months have been tough, running fills every available weekend, mid week trips to the gym, no drinking at the weekend as runs planned for the following day. Funnily enough, the habit has kicked in and now I find that I no longer fancy getting hammered, although saying that, we are a week away from the big day, I get a taste for a 'liquid cocaine' and next thing you know I am disco dancing in Mother Browns! That aside it has been a sober time!
Got a headache now as maxed out with work and a late night last night is catching up with me - once you hit the late twenties, no longer can you stay out past ten on a school night! God knows what happens in your thirties and forties?!?!?!?
Haircut tomorrow and then off to London to collect my race number - how exciting! Only four days and then I would have achieved one of many tasks on the list of things I WILL do!
Music or not? I have trained mostly without but now I am thinking that it is too important to me not to be present on the day of the race?? A small shuffle clipped to my running pants or carry the ipod - decisions decisions, no wonder I have a headache!
Everything happens at once, doesn't make any difference whether it's work, social life or relationships - one minute no work, then more work than you could possibly imagine, no parties and then ten invites for the same day, as and for relationships...
The last three months have been tough, running fills every available weekend, mid week trips to the gym, no drinking at the weekend as runs planned for the following day. Funnily enough, the habit has kicked in and now I find that I no longer fancy getting hammered, although saying that, we are a week away from the big day, I get a taste for a 'liquid cocaine' and next thing you know I am disco dancing in Mother Browns! That aside it has been a sober time!
Got a headache now as maxed out with work and a late night last night is catching up with me - once you hit the late twenties, no longer can you stay out past ten on a school night! God knows what happens in your thirties and forties?!?!?!?
Haircut tomorrow and then off to London to collect my race number - how exciting! Only four days and then I would have achieved one of many tasks on the list of things I WILL do!
Music or not? I have trained mostly without but now I am thinking that it is too important to me not to be present on the day of the race?? A small shuffle clipped to my running pants or carry the ipod - decisions decisions, no wonder I have a headache!
Monday 20 April 2009
Blank...
I have not posted anything for the last three days as I am not sure what to write...well, that is not true as I have plenty to write but it is not very interesting. Actually, I think it is interesting, but then when I read what I have written it sounds crap!! I think I need someone else to respond to...
I could never write a book...I thought I could, but I am totally hopeless on my own...I would need constant conversation in order to engage my brain. I am now just writing for the sake of it, which is pointless and not very interesting reading - never mind, at least I managed to end 'facebook' this weekend at long last!
I could never write a book...I thought I could, but I am totally hopeless on my own...I would need constant conversation in order to engage my brain. I am now just writing for the sake of it, which is pointless and not very interesting reading - never mind, at least I managed to end 'facebook' this weekend at long last!
Thursday 16 April 2009
Life...
When I think about what to write each evening, I am amazed at the number of topics that come to mind. Each day brings a whole host of events and actions which stir up a whirlwind of emotion and so the thought trail starts.....
I thoroughly enjoy going off into my thoughts as a drive around the countryside to and from work. I love it, escaping into a daydream world...each thought set off by a song, a topic of conversation, the sight of a view. It is amazing how we switch to auto pilot, finding our destination safely without being able to recall a single moment of the journey.
I guess we do this in all elements of life, sometimes to the detriment of relationships, taking things for granted. Life is such a challenge, with a new struggle everyday...but each day is a choice; good day or bad day and that is the choice that we make when we wake each morning.
As I get older, I am finding the simple things, a hug, a smile, a friendly gesture of kindness mean so much more to me than ever before. The purpose of life becomes clearer, but the baggage you have picked up on the journey still keeps it interesting - I wonder if you ever strike a moment of complete contentment or is life just a process of chasing the dream?
I thoroughly enjoy going off into my thoughts as a drive around the countryside to and from work. I love it, escaping into a daydream world...each thought set off by a song, a topic of conversation, the sight of a view. It is amazing how we switch to auto pilot, finding our destination safely without being able to recall a single moment of the journey.
I guess we do this in all elements of life, sometimes to the detriment of relationships, taking things for granted. Life is such a challenge, with a new struggle everyday...but each day is a choice; good day or bad day and that is the choice that we make when we wake each morning.
As I get older, I am finding the simple things, a hug, a smile, a friendly gesture of kindness mean so much more to me than ever before. The purpose of life becomes clearer, but the baggage you have picked up on the journey still keeps it interesting - I wonder if you ever strike a moment of complete contentment or is life just a process of chasing the dream?
Wednesday 15 April 2009
Friendship...
People really are so very different...thank God!
I love the fact that I can call my mate, Ms Anonymous, at half ten at night to chastise her for not reading my new blog or making a comment or subscribing for that matter...only to be told that it is her birthday and I am shamed into talking about me on her birthday that I have forgotten!
It is great to have friends like this, people that truly understand you and what you are about - I felt no guilt, just amusement at my total lack of memory and her complete understanding of my self obsessed ways! So enough about me, what do you think about me? Just kidding :>)
As I forgot Ms Anonymous' birthday, I decided to provide a quick over the phone present which took the form of me reading the personality breakdown, strengths and weaknesses of April 14th people from my 365 day birthday book - which may I add is truly fantastic. Ms Anonymous turns out to be the day of 'tradition'!
I love the fact that I can call my mate, Ms Anonymous, at half ten at night to chastise her for not reading my new blog or making a comment or subscribing for that matter...only to be told that it is her birthday and I am shamed into talking about me on her birthday that I have forgotten!
It is great to have friends like this, people that truly understand you and what you are about - I felt no guilt, just amusement at my total lack of memory and her complete understanding of my self obsessed ways! So enough about me, what do you think about me? Just kidding :>)
As I forgot Ms Anonymous' birthday, I decided to provide a quick over the phone present which took the form of me reading the personality breakdown, strengths and weaknesses of April 14th people from my 365 day birthday book - which may I add is truly fantastic. Ms Anonymous turns out to be the day of 'tradition'!
Tuesday 14 April 2009
Competence...
Why is it so difficult to get anything done? I had the unfortunate experience of losing my phone yesterday, so hastily followed the 'simple' lost phone procedures described in the sales pitch from my phone company and phone insurance company in an attempt to retrieve my life back. The only simple thing about the process were the people at the other end of the phone!
I was questioned like a criminal, told that I should back up my numbers in future to ensure I don't lose them all again (why don't they mention this service when you buy the damn phone!) and now I must wait for days to receive a new plastic chip with absolutely no information on it. To top it all, I am required to pay an excess (not mentioned in the print that can be read by the human eye) for a new one, that is if they can source my existing make and model...if not then I may get a cheque instead?? I don't think the plastic chip will function if attached to a cheque!
The upside is that I have enjoyed not having a mobile phone for the last two days. It has been so nice not to check it every five minutes, or experience imaginary vibrations as you become tuned into it's 'silent' mode. If I get the cheque, maybe I'll consider living without it?
My Facebook account still refuses to die - yet again I went for the 'deactivate' button and yet again there was a glitch in the matrix which kept the account, now empty of friends, pokes and posts alive!
I was questioned like a criminal, told that I should back up my numbers in future to ensure I don't lose them all again (why don't they mention this service when you buy the damn phone!) and now I must wait for days to receive a new plastic chip with absolutely no information on it. To top it all, I am required to pay an excess (not mentioned in the print that can be read by the human eye) for a new one, that is if they can source my existing make and model...if not then I may get a cheque instead?? I don't think the plastic chip will function if attached to a cheque!
The upside is that I have enjoyed not having a mobile phone for the last two days. It has been so nice not to check it every five minutes, or experience imaginary vibrations as you become tuned into it's 'silent' mode. If I get the cheque, maybe I'll consider living without it?
My Facebook account still refuses to die - yet again I went for the 'deactivate' button and yet again there was a glitch in the matrix which kept the account, now empty of friends, pokes and posts alive!
Monday 13 April 2009
Facebook...
Incredible, I have finally followed through with my ongoing threat of deactivating my facebook account..or so I thought! I rarely log on, but when I do, I get annoyed by the useless information people add in their 'what are you thinking?' section - never have I witnessed anything profound or genuinely interesting. This is one of my main reasons for bailing, the other is just the annoyance of feeling the need to log onto something just because I have an account.
Why is everything so difficult to end, I mean it is the same with terminating a phone contract, a credit card...but now a facebook account! Why are companies so desperate to keep you when the feeling is so clearly not mutual? I have always wondered about relationships too...why is it that we are so desperate to hang on to people we love when they don't love us back?
Anyway, I spent the last hour and half removing all of the friends, pictures and profile details only to find that when hitting the final 'deactivate' button, the damn thing crashed and would not let me end it - no doubt another clever ploy to give me time to sleep on my decision. That aside, the facebook end is nigh...the final click will take place tomorrow and I will be free of groups, invites, posts and pokes!
Why is everything so difficult to end, I mean it is the same with terminating a phone contract, a credit card...but now a facebook account! Why are companies so desperate to keep you when the feeling is so clearly not mutual? I have always wondered about relationships too...why is it that we are so desperate to hang on to people we love when they don't love us back?
Anyway, I spent the last hour and half removing all of the friends, pictures and profile details only to find that when hitting the final 'deactivate' button, the damn thing crashed and would not let me end it - no doubt another clever ploy to give me time to sleep on my decision. That aside, the facebook end is nigh...the final click will take place tomorrow and I will be free of groups, invites, posts and pokes!
So...
I have decided to start writing down everything that comes to mind, as I thought it may be fun....and I have been told that I talk a lot, so this may ease the burden on those poor people who live with me and around me!
I have a structured, yet random existance which includes many wonderful and not so wonderful people, all of which make up a very interesting fabric that is my life.....so...let this be the start of a varied insight into the world of Lady Quicksilver!
I am either going to love or hate this whole experience, but either way it will create a good topic of conversation for me and yet more funny stories to bore my friends with, so win-win either way :>)
I have a structured, yet random existance which includes many wonderful and not so wonderful people, all of which make up a very interesting fabric that is my life.....so...let this be the start of a varied insight into the world of Lady Quicksilver!
I am either going to love or hate this whole experience, but either way it will create a good topic of conversation for me and yet more funny stories to bore my friends with, so win-win either way :>)
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