There are so many kinds of friends; best friends, fair weather friends, let's get wasted friends, I need tickets friends, tea and sympathy friends, not seen you in years but nothing has changed friends and so the list goes on. Sometimes I question my friendships; who I choose, why I choose them, how we crossed paths in the first instance and what efforts I make to retain these bonds. I have been very fortunate to cross paths with so many awesome people, several of which are now very close friends, whilst others fall into some of the categories already mentioned. That said, all of these connections are meaningful jigsaw pieces, that may change shape over time, but always seem to complete my puzzle.
I love connections, the obvious ones are always fun, as too are the more subtle, less frantic 'slow-burners'. I especially like it when you learn something new about yourself, whereby someone exposes another side of you that you weren't sure existed! I guess I am just trying to figure out if this is a sign of being more open to exposing your existing layers or that you simply grow more layers as a result of these new experiences? Or maybe it's both; we grow inside and outside simultaneously, with each of life's twists and turns. Whatever it is, it seems to be happening more and more, with friends old and new, past and present.
In my experience, the key to a good friendship is balance and ensuring that expectations are understood and managed even if they are not mutual! That said, nearly all of my connections have been through some sort of test or trauma; love issues, clash of moral code, opposing political views, changing jobs, moving countries etc...which makes me wonder, does friendship need to have been through the mill in order to survive and be long lasting or is it just that life happens, so ups and downs are par for the course?! Even writing this makes me think about the people I surround myself with and the journey's I have shared; I have certainly done some serious mileage!
It's exciting to know that there is so much more to learn and experience; in terms of getting out there and trying new things as well as opening up the bonnet and reflecting on your own personal adventure. I am still bobbling along in my 'mind buggy', but I have upgraded to the convertible model and the learner plates have gone from red to green. It's best to make people aware that whilst I am open to new concepts and prepared to occasionally off-road it, I still stall every now and then and get lost when the SatNav decides to re-calculate!
Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, we are happy when we are growing - William Butler Yeats
Monday 23 May 2011
Wednesday 11 May 2011
Are you sitting comfortably?...then I'll begin!
Powerpoint presentations; the person speaking has all the 'power' and the poor buggers watching don't see the 'point' - well that's my take on the origin of the name! This week has been rammed full of presentations, handouts and feedback; excited...not much!
On a daily basis we talk to a huge number of people about a vast spectrum of topics. We manage this with ease, often whilst typing an email, replying to a text or having lunch, usually coupled with a whole other stream of unconscious thoughts racing through our minds. So, given our ability to juggle all these conversations and thoughts, why is it, when asked to carry out the same simple task in front of a room full of people, does 'talking' become such a different animal?
The task is exactly the same, as you are talking and they are listening; only when in a presenting environment, the audience don't have the option of talking back, making their excuses to go to another meeting or just politely changing the subject mid conversation....these differences combined, change the dynamic and immediately cause a massive amount of stress for the person speaking and the people listening?! Odd when you think about it, as it should be less stressful than talking to someone in the usual conversational sense, knowing that they COULD interrupt at anytime, walk off to another meeting or stop you mid flow to talk about the weather?!
So, what happens?? There are more people, therefore more agendas to manage and of course 'time' happens....S...L...O...W...time; the natural interruptions within dialogue are replaced with the awkward and terribly long silences of monologue. I think that life works best when it is a two way stream; give and take, push and pull, dialogue not monologue. One way systems always seem to stifle creativity and cause blockages and long winded journeys...you only have to drive around most big cities to figure that one out!
It's already become a bit much and we haven't even mentioned handout trauma; is there enough handouts, how will I get them distributed in the most efficient fashion, when is the best time to handout the handouts (not too early as they won't listen, but soon enough to stop them nodding off) - in fact, with most handouts situations, people perk up regardless of what is written on the piece of paper you force them to take and pass round, as they are too busy figuring out the purpose of the handout and the best way to distribute these themselves!
And so to the audience, an environment that we have not been familiar with since school, where we all had the same panic about reading in front of the class or being asked a question when you weren't paying attention and gazing out of the window. The bottom line is, whether you were the geeky kid who was desperate to say something smart, the class fool who had the knack of saying the dumbest thing at the worst/best time or the shy retiring type who needed to remain intently focused just in case they were forced to string a sentence together....we all feel it, the pressure of being in front of our peers and wanting to be accepted.
I suppose the thing to remember is that we are all just as fearful of these awkward situations as the next person, whether you are the keynote speaker or the petrified audience, always on high alert in case you are asked to share or feedback. We all know that powerpoint presentations will continue to be 'point'less and delivered by those craving the power and to an extent, someone has to lead and information has to be distributed...so, in order to survive your next ordeal, best to decide which role you played in the classroom and then take to the stage accordingly! Note: If you are the shy, retiring, non speaking type, look engaged but avoid eye contact at all times!
There are certain things in which mediocrity is not to be endured, such as poetry, music, painting and public speaking - Jean de la Bruyere
On a daily basis we talk to a huge number of people about a vast spectrum of topics. We manage this with ease, often whilst typing an email, replying to a text or having lunch, usually coupled with a whole other stream of unconscious thoughts racing through our minds. So, given our ability to juggle all these conversations and thoughts, why is it, when asked to carry out the same simple task in front of a room full of people, does 'talking' become such a different animal?
The task is exactly the same, as you are talking and they are listening; only when in a presenting environment, the audience don't have the option of talking back, making their excuses to go to another meeting or just politely changing the subject mid conversation....these differences combined, change the dynamic and immediately cause a massive amount of stress for the person speaking and the people listening?! Odd when you think about it, as it should be less stressful than talking to someone in the usual conversational sense, knowing that they COULD interrupt at anytime, walk off to another meeting or stop you mid flow to talk about the weather?!
So, what happens?? There are more people, therefore more agendas to manage and of course 'time' happens....S...L...O...W...time; the natural interruptions within dialogue are replaced with the awkward and terribly long silences of monologue. I think that life works best when it is a two way stream; give and take, push and pull, dialogue not monologue. One way systems always seem to stifle creativity and cause blockages and long winded journeys...you only have to drive around most big cities to figure that one out!
It's already become a bit much and we haven't even mentioned handout trauma; is there enough handouts, how will I get them distributed in the most efficient fashion, when is the best time to handout the handouts (not too early as they won't listen, but soon enough to stop them nodding off) - in fact, with most handouts situations, people perk up regardless of what is written on the piece of paper you force them to take and pass round, as they are too busy figuring out the purpose of the handout and the best way to distribute these themselves!
And so to the audience, an environment that we have not been familiar with since school, where we all had the same panic about reading in front of the class or being asked a question when you weren't paying attention and gazing out of the window. The bottom line is, whether you were the geeky kid who was desperate to say something smart, the class fool who had the knack of saying the dumbest thing at the worst/best time or the shy retiring type who needed to remain intently focused just in case they were forced to string a sentence together....we all feel it, the pressure of being in front of our peers and wanting to be accepted.
I suppose the thing to remember is that we are all just as fearful of these awkward situations as the next person, whether you are the keynote speaker or the petrified audience, always on high alert in case you are asked to share or feedback. We all know that powerpoint presentations will continue to be 'point'less and delivered by those craving the power and to an extent, someone has to lead and information has to be distributed...so, in order to survive your next ordeal, best to decide which role you played in the classroom and then take to the stage accordingly! Note: If you are the shy, retiring, non speaking type, look engaged but avoid eye contact at all times!
There are certain things in which mediocrity is not to be endured, such as poetry, music, painting and public speaking - Jean de la Bruyere
Monday 2 May 2011
Life...it's a funny one!
One throw away comment can send your mind into turmoil; a touchy subject that leads to doubt followed by a relentless avalanche of emotion. Why do we question ourselves when life is going well, yet seem to continue putting up with rubbish when life is clearly not so good? I have been so caught up with the negativity of recent events, combined with the need to reach my destination without enjoying the journey, that it appears to be a natural state in which to live - enough already!
Time to start putting the positivity back out there and start living in the here and now; the last 10 days of sunshine, friends, drinks, bbq's and general randomness have been like a dose of medicine, a much needed one. It's funny how your emotional state can cause such physical responses; obvious when it comes to food and sex, but unassuming and deadly on the more subtle issues around self-esteem and self-worth.
I have learnt to appreciate that experiences in the past do, for the most part, shape your attitude towards life as an adult. Annoyingly, however hard you try to overcome certain mental hurdles and boundaries, some deep set traits firmly remain. On the upside, the state of mind is formed primarily by genes and then experiences, but is maintained by habit; patterns of thought that we can control on a day to day basis.
So, it seems that life is an ongoing battle between managing your expectations whilst striving for more. For me, the 'more' will now become the richness of things that money cannot buy and the 'expectations' will be enjoying each moment to the full without a thought for planning the next one. I don't want to get old and be left with a diary full of great plans, a cellar full of fine wines and a facebook page full of unlived friendships and relationships.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest - Confucius
Time to start putting the positivity back out there and start living in the here and now; the last 10 days of sunshine, friends, drinks, bbq's and general randomness have been like a dose of medicine, a much needed one. It's funny how your emotional state can cause such physical responses; obvious when it comes to food and sex, but unassuming and deadly on the more subtle issues around self-esteem and self-worth.
I have learnt to appreciate that experiences in the past do, for the most part, shape your attitude towards life as an adult. Annoyingly, however hard you try to overcome certain mental hurdles and boundaries, some deep set traits firmly remain. On the upside, the state of mind is formed primarily by genes and then experiences, but is maintained by habit; patterns of thought that we can control on a day to day basis.
So, it seems that life is an ongoing battle between managing your expectations whilst striving for more. For me, the 'more' will now become the richness of things that money cannot buy and the 'expectations' will be enjoying each moment to the full without a thought for planning the next one. I don't want to get old and be left with a diary full of great plans, a cellar full of fine wines and a facebook page full of unlived friendships and relationships.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest - Confucius
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