Procreation...not something in the forefront of my mind, but certainly a rising agenda item given the number of weddings I now attend and small children I seem to be responsible for; god help them!
My two day old god child was plonked in my arms yesterday and much to my surprise, it actually felt somewhat natural to hold him. The last two occasions this happened; my nephews, was a little odd - I felt really stiff and whilst I wanted to go with it, I sensed that I was resisting the urge to be natural given everyone's opinion of me being the least likely person to be natural with a baby - oh the thought behind everything!
So, there I was happily enjoying the whole thing; looking at this amazing little life form and watching him as he looked at me wondering what on earth he was doing in my arms. He opened his eyes a few times, eyed me up and down, yawned, gurgled a little and then settled back to sleep again; quite incredible.
Both parents were beaming and the room felt so full of love; there was no space for even a moment of sadness or darkness. New life really is an amazing thing, creating another one of those happenings that you cannot see or touch, but something that has such presence, it feels like a blanket has been wrapped around you.
'Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.'
Monday 12 April 2010
Sunday 4 April 2010
Journey...
What is the journey of life about; learning, experiencing, understanding yourself or simply growing into your own self. The latter for me it seems, as I finally feel comfortable in my own skin - the first thirty years have been a struggle to fit in, do the right thing, feel the right thing, say the right thing.
I always feel as though I have been who I am now, but trapped in my youth, which sounds strange I know....but I wonder if other people feel this way? Perhaps everyone hits a stage where they feel most content in themselves and then associates this with an age or period in their life or maybe people embrace the ever changing age and stage and think nothing of it?!
Either way, I am questioning the purpose of the journey daily; where I have come from and where I am going. Just when you feel sure about what you want from the future, the dynamic of a relationship or situation changes and then your plans and dreams are thrown into the wind; swirled about and scattered liberally!
Ultimately, living for the day seems to be the most painless option, as no plan means no disappointment. I am not convinced that living a dream free life is one I am able to indulge in, but sometimes I can see the appeal.
'With the moon I run, far from the carnage of the firey sun, driven by the strangle of veins showing me no mercy, I'd do it again.'
I always feel as though I have been who I am now, but trapped in my youth, which sounds strange I know....but I wonder if other people feel this way? Perhaps everyone hits a stage where they feel most content in themselves and then associates this with an age or period in their life or maybe people embrace the ever changing age and stage and think nothing of it?!
Either way, I am questioning the purpose of the journey daily; where I have come from and where I am going. Just when you feel sure about what you want from the future, the dynamic of a relationship or situation changes and then your plans and dreams are thrown into the wind; swirled about and scattered liberally!
Ultimately, living for the day seems to be the most painless option, as no plan means no disappointment. I am not convinced that living a dream free life is one I am able to indulge in, but sometimes I can see the appeal.
'With the moon I run, far from the carnage of the firey sun, driven by the strangle of veins showing me no mercy, I'd do it again.'
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