La Merde Machine...

It seems that the lesson never ends and the learning never stops; life has the ability to throw up a new problem to solve just when you think you have learnt enough. You get to the stage where you have dealt with everything, or at least started to accept the things you cannot deal with or change, and then, as if by magic, the universe presents an even greater challenge. I almost feel as though I get more sh** as a result of dealing with my existing sh** - a bit like school, when you finished your work before everyone else, the teacher would give you more!

As an efficient sh** dealer, I am doomed to receive more sh** in the post as it were; on processing this next batch, I will be enclosing a letter to the provider of all things that are sh** asking them to remove me from their mailing list, as well as unsubscribe me from the e-sh**news! But in all honestly, how do you continue to motivate yourself, when you know that the moment you become aware of being in a good place again, it is almost guaranteed to be followed by some sort of trauma.

I can see why people shut down emotionally; sometimes it is too damn painful and once bitten, twice shy certainly rings true. The problem I have, which is probably a gene inherited from my parents, as no member of my family has ever been divorced, is that I believe in the whole commitment thing and all that comes with it. It has taken me 32 years to finally admit that, but what the hell...better late than never or is it never late is better?!

So, with this belief firmly built into the genes, the chances of shutting down the very organ that fields all decisions is not an option. Wall building is not really an option either, as I am more about knocking them down than building them up - with permission of course!

So...acceptance is the word that I am struggling with right now; I may be a little spoilt, I may be used to getting what I want, I may be on the receiving end of what I normally inflict. Does accepting mean giving up or is it the word you use to cope and move forwards. I understand the theory, but petrified of the practice, as a severed tie cannot be mended...or can it?

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. - Rumi

The Breakfast Test...

What is it about a buffet that turns people into primitive scavengers? The laws of social etiquette are broken and the red mist comes down; no manners, total disregard for personal hygiene and a complete lack of awareness of personal space. On reflection, that last thing about personal space may be linked to the 'queuing' gene, something all Germans and Spaniards are born without...did their mothers forget to take folic acid or something?!?!

So, whilst the holiday buffet trauma has been inflicted each morning and evening, it has given me a great deal of pleasure in terms of people watching. People are strange, really strange...I know I sound harsh, but at what point is it ok to cough without covering your mouth, push in front of someone, not hold a door open, stink of sweat in a public restaurant, go topless when you have more wrinkles than a piece of crepe paper...do people lose their sense of awareness at a certain age, born without one or just generally not give a shit?!

We all let ourselves go at times, especially when on holiday, and of course with long term friends and loved ones who know and love us, faults and all, but there is relaxing and there is just disgusting!

Loads of couples sitting opposite one another, barely able to see over the mountains of food piled on from the eat for your life/death buffet, stuffing food down as though someone was going to take it away, occasionally coming up for liquid...embroiled in consuming as many calories as possible without breathing. I don't know why they bothered laying tables and chairs, it would have been just as easy to line up some troughs and be done with it!

So...is that what their first dinner date was like; trough central? I often wonder what the turning point in a relationship actually looks like? I used to think it was the 'wind/gas/fart/burp' thing, once you do that in front of someone, it breaks an unwritten rule...then before you know it, you are peeing, puking or worse in front of one another...next thing you know, you are troughing from the buffet! When in love, I guess some of these little faux pas are almost endearing...but over time, familiarity most certainly breeds contempt!

I recently heard that the true test of love is the breakfast test; are you prepared to sit opposite your other half over breakfast, each morning for the rest of your life...toast munching, crumb dropping, cereal gobbling, tea slurping, flem sniffing and any other habits that may appear first thing in the morning? If you already cringe when you hear a nasal sniff, perhaps its time to think about searching for a more suitable, long-term breakfast companion!

My own personal rule is to refrain from doing anything in front of anyone else that makes me cringe, which in my case is almost everything - if the people frequenting the breakfast room at this hotel are anything to go by, I will spending the rest of my life buttering toast for one!

Love is forever, as long as it lasts - Anon

Happiness is...

...a cigar called Hamlet? Well, perhaps not for all of us, but there is something about the little things. Happiness is different things to different people at different times. A beautiful sunrise, the smell of spring in the air, the feel of clean sheets...clean water, the safety of your home, enough food in the fridge...

These little things really do count when trying to see the brighter side of life and sometimes when I find myself looking for all the answers, it is the smallest day to day occurrences that help me put it all back into perspective; the sound of your loved ones laughing, Gaga at full volume on the radio, the blast of warmth from the car heater when it is minus 2 outside...

There is a fine line between planning your life away, securing the future and mapping out tomorrow before today has even started as oppose to being so laid back that you wondered what happened yesterday, missed most of today and have already forgotten what is happening tomorrow. Striking this balance appears to be an art; staying present, learning from the past whilst considering the future. Doing enough to have a brighter future without forgetting to enjoy the here and now is easier said than done.

It is also mind blowing to think that whilst one country deals with full blown civil war and another famine, other more fortunate countries have the pleasure of dealing with the pressures of premiership football and producing the next Wimbledon champion - bizare! We each have our own interpretations of happiness, the majority of which come in small packages and are more often than not free of charge. Today, I will strive to keep it real, have a break from soul searching and take advantage of nature’s freebies, even if the sirens go off and I am called out to deal with a tennis ball emergency!

'Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length' - Robert Frost